Protagonists of 2000s songs: where are they now?
Sk8er Boi’s band’s second album failed to chart and they broke up in 2004. In 2016, Sk8er Boi attempted a comeback as a right-wing rapper but failed to generate buzz for his single , “Don’t Sk8 on Me”. He is now trying to push his own cryptocurrency, Sk8erCoin.
“Absolutely (A Girl’s Story)”
With the help of a trained therapist, A Girl realized that her boyfriend was a gas lighter and she was allowed to feel sad sometimes. For example, crying when his grandfather died was not “drowning the whole world”. The final straw was when A Girl gave her a framed photo of the two of them, and he told her he’d absolutely prefer the photo if she was smiling, then called her “baby.”
In 2005, she dumped him and moved to central Oregon, where she works as a whitewater rafting guide. She does not hide her pretty face, is not alone and has fun telling her passengers with nerve that the river is not made of her tears.
Plain white t-shirts
Delilah and her beau have finally hooked up in New York. Their time in New York was magical but short-lived, as it turned out he was unable to pay their bills with this guitar. The two decided to get married, have a child and generally have the life they knew they would have, despite a recent explosive argument where Delilah’s husband said she wasn’t as bright than Times Square and never had been.
Jimmy eat people
For twenty years, the now not-so-little girl has been on the road, less and less convinced that everything will be okay, and more and more concerned about what people have been saying to each other since she’s been gone.
To better understand why her tears flowed at night, Lucky attended an ayahuasca retreat in Peru in 2003. While under the influence, she realized she no longer wanted to be an actress and instead wanted to devote to cooking. She attended the Culinary Institute of America and in 2008 opened her first restaurant, Lonely Heart of Palm.
Roger Johnson, a restaurant critic formerly with pop newscovered the opening ceremony of Lucky’s second restaurant for the New York Times in 2018, writing, “The real star is Yukon Crispy Potatoes!
“It was not me”
Immediately after this guy claimed that despite numerous videos and physical evidence, he wasn’t the one crawling with the girl next door, his girlfriend laughed in his face and left him.
This experience did not stop him from telling outlandish lies. The 54-year-old was recently fired from Chick-fil-A after he dropped a joint in the fryer and said it wasn’t him, although the incident was captured on cellphone by a colleague. “Old Guy Deep Fries Weed, Says It Wasn’t Him” has been viewed over seventy million times on TikTok.
“The Rock Show”
After considering the costs associated with moving to Vegas, the couple decided it would probably be in their best interests to finish high school. They separated shortly before graduation after a heated altercation stemming from a conversation about whether or not the Madden twins were posers.
Years later, on the last Warped Tour in 2019, they crossed paths again. They were married to other people, but saw each other immediately and ran past the Vans merchandising table to kiss. What did she say?” He told her he didn’t know. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
They then divorced their spouses with no fucking explanation. Currently, they reside just outside of Reno.
“The Girl All Bad Guys Want”
bowling for soup
Nona Jones-Blalock, formerly known as The Girl All the Bad Guys Want, became a born-again Christian in 2010, trading in her nose ring, peacoat and a forty for a gold cross necklace of ten- four karats and a sweater set from J. Jill. Nona is currently running on an anti-abortion and anti-immigration platform for the Arkansas state legislature. She hired the most expensive PR firm in the Little Rock area to cover up her past.
The guy who wanted the girl all the bad guys want still can’t grow a mustache, got his moped repossessed, and is the moderator of an incel group on 4chan.
Shawty completed the software engineering degree she was working on while dancing part-time at the club. She traded her Apple Bottom jeans for a job at Apple in 2015. Although she has fond memories of her club days, she is much happier in her current role. Shawty has generous stock options and no customer has compared her to a sexy kitchen appliance. She also works remotely, which allows her to wear baggy sweatpants as much as she wants.
Sadly, Shawty seriously injured her ankle at her cousin’s wedding last June as she tried to prove she could still get weaker. She is currently undergoing physical therapy and hopes to be able to comfortably wear shoes other than wide boots (with the fur) in a few months.
“Mr. The Good Side”
Mr. Brightside is returned to his cage, where he has remained for the past fifteen years after being caught opening his greedy eyes too far and becoming a convicted sex offender. When asked, he tells people he is doing great.